Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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