he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
