Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
