Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
