So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
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She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
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That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set