Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
there was a trapeze. enough said
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.