Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.