Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.