I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.