I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
