Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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