we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
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Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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Don't tell me you're on acid again
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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