u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
That's intense
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
