your room smells of hookers.
And success
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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