I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
