youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
did you just send me my own nude
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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