My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
