i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
