Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
