If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
