in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the condom got lost in my hair
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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