I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
