He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
