I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize