he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
