He uses pillows to masturbate.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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