Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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