tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
