dude i'm inner monologue high
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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