after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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