my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
