Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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