I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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