Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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