In the future we'll all be gay
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
