This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
