I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
sex in a hospital.. check
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
