it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
