Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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