Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
