the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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