Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
