i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
