imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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