All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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