I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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