I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
