We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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