he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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