my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
