there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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