Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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