Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
