what day is it and did you see me today?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
