youre lurking in front of me
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
A+ Viking dick
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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