i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
