I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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