Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
