im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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